Unrequited
by Dragonrider4000
Summary: What is Near's greatest secret about Mello? This is a story about Near's feelings for Mello and how they affected the outcome of the Death Note saga, and what this means for his future. One sided NearxMello


A/N; Written as part of the Reviewer rewards I have promised after reaching 1,000 reviews on Constant Temptation.

This is for Freakydeirdre, I hope you like it! You asked me for something a little different I know, but this is what fell from my pen.

Please read and review!

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Unrequited

Nowadays Near is always reclusive, sat away from the others at the orphanage, and refusing to let anyone come close to him. For he once let someone get close to him and what happened then broke his heart. He had thought himself above such petty emotional displays or long term feelings, but the target of his affections had stolen them from the moment Near had first understood the concept of such things.

That person was Mello, and with his constant brash attitude and devil-may-care view on life, he was everything Near was not and Near loved him for it. Even when Near had been more outgoing Mello was still an unknown an unstoppable force of some kind.

To think back on such times hurt even now, and what was the point in doing so when Mello had gone, and taken the one he had chosen with him. Hadn't Mello understood that Near would have done _anything_ to stay by his side? Answered as many questions wrong as would have been necessary to ensure Mello was first… if such a thing had been possible for Near.

Near gasped into the quiet of the room in which he sat as a tear fell down his cheek. He had promised himself he would not cry, at least not in public; failing now would have been pitiful. He forced himself to his feet, and pulled the red robot that Mello had once given him as a birthday present up into his arms. Then with a small sigh Near abandoned his other toys and headed towards his room. Perhaps if he slept it would give his mind a chance to recover from the fugue he had fallen into.

He sat in his darkened room and forced his body to relax, his eyes constantly drifting to the drawer of his bedside table. He tried to resist, but he knew this was definitely a battle he would not win.

Indeed this was so and a moment later he reached inside the drawer and pulled out the sole remaining picture of Mello at Wammy's, the _only_ surviving picture of Mello in the world. Mello had destroyed them all when he had left, but he had never counted on Near secreting one from his files in his room; Near had wanted something to remember Mello by if he could not have Mello himself.

Near's mouth twitched into a smile as he gazed down at the smiling face of Mello, his thumbing tracing along the side of Mello's face. With shaking hands Near raised the picture to his lips and kissed it lovingly, the kiss a pale mockery of the one the had shared that day, the one Mello had given him.

With a whimper Near threw the picture back into the drawer and collapsed onto his bed. Finally with quiet sobs Near began to cry, all the emotion he had kept bottled up inside since that day finally released.

…

"_Oi Near," Mello laughed, sticking his head round the door to peer at Near, "the rest of us are playing football, and we've decided you can't stay on your own in here."_

"_You all know I am not proficient at that sport," Near replied, glancing down at the floor, "what would my presence add to the game?"_

"_We're not proficient either," Mello laughed coming closer, "and you coming to play, would add you to the game. Oh and what is it that Roger always spouts… ah yes, it's the taking part that counts. Come and play with us Near."_

_Mello held his hand out towards Near then and smiled encouragingly. Near couldn't help but give in and took the offered hand, letting himself be pulled to his feet._

_A few minutes later he was out playing with the others, not caring about the dust that quickly gathered on his white clothing, or that Linda was sat on the sidelines sketching them all. In fact he couldn't help but laugh._

_It had been a week after the football game that Near had made his move._

_He had cornered Mello in his room and quietly stammered out his feelings to an obviously stunned Mello, before approaching the staring blonde and kissing him softly on the lips. He lingered as long as he dared, the few moments of the kiss one of the most shining moments in Near's life._

_Finally he had been pushed back by Mello, who stared down at Near incredulously._

"_Look, Near," Mello sighed, his hands keeping Near at arms length. "I'm flattered. And perhaps a few weeks ago I may even have said yes, but there is no way we can be together. I'm already spoken for. You must know that even if we had been together it would never have worked, we are too competitive."_

"_Who is it?" Near whispered, he could feel his world breaking apart around him. He could _never_ have Mello._

"_Matt of course," Mello replied softly._

"_Of course," Near sighed, blinking rapidly as he stared down at the floor. It was logical, Matt and Mello had arrived at Wammy's together, and have never been apart since then._

"_Look Near," Mello said, "we couldn't possibly work well together. We never have."_

"_How could you know that?" Near whispered, "How could you __**possibly**__ know that?"_

"_Near, we might be friends, but we argue incessantly," Mello said calmly, "I don't want that in a relationship."_

"_I see," Near replied, his usual unemotional tone returning, even though the pain his chest remained, "thank you for your time."_

_Near made to leave but was held back by Mello, who sighed exasperatedly. _

"_I suppose I can give you this," Mello said softly, and he kissed Near on the lips. Mello's hand shifted to run through Near's hair before he quickly retreated, "No hard feelings?"_

"_No hard feelings," Near replied. Mello's kiss had speeded up the progress of the pain in his chest, even through the pleasure of the kiss. He made to leave and this time Mello didn't stop him._

_The day after they heard of L's death and Near's depression fuelled response to the news only drove Mello further away from him. Taking Mello so far away in fact, that he left Wammy's, taking Matt with him._

…

Near's quiet tears lasted long into the night, the tears only stopping when Near's body felt completely empty from all emotion, and he doubted that they would ever return. Just like Mello, they too had left him.

Through his tears though a plan had formed. He too would chase after Kira. Not to surpass L, there was no achievement in surpassing a dead man, but to protect Mello. He would do what he could to draw Mello closer to him, and Matt too. He would not make the mistake of blaming Matt for false crimes, Matt had done nothing wrong.

If he could draw them closer to him, perhaps he could protect them so they would not die at Kira's hands. Perhaps he could at least see to it that they were happy.

…

Many years have passed since that night, and it was later, much later, that Near truly understood Mello's words about incompatibility. An understanding that came with too high a price.

Instead of being able to protect Mello, he had only driven him further away and into much more dangerous plans and plots. Near wondered if it was _his_ actions that had driven Mello straight into his death.

Either way he knew he would never be able to live comfortably with himself again. His life as L lay before him in all its long painfulness. So many days that he had to be alive where the one he loved was not.

Near stared down at the Mello puppet that adorned his desk, the Matt puppet as always stood close by. He reached out with a finger and touched it gently. He had to go on he slowly realised, it was the only way to give even a modicum of meaning to their deaths.

Gradually then, all over the world, the cases that had defied the police for so long were taken on by 'L' and solved. 'L' it seemed was finally returning to the case load he had once carried before the Kira case. It had only taken three years.

Near would do this for them. He would live on for them. But mostly he would do it for the only person he could ever love, Mello.

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End file.
